I´m believing   that I am a ten year old girl caught in an adult body. That´s not fair. Speaking American English is no problem for me, but writing in German isn´t so easy. I was in luck spending some time by an American family which lived in the same village as we. There I was save from abuse and cruelties.I wrote my text in an easy English so that adult persons can understand it without problems. I am learning writing in German by help from the other system.  Extra for me they made a plate (whit picture) which helps me learning writing German. I like moving and travelling by elevator. Beside learning writing in German I am learning Italian. Thinking and learning is not difficult for me. Together with the other system I make the experience how a child normally grows up. Together with personalities from the other system I learn, Inline Skating, feeling me body in a positive way, eating (not only salad). I have to except  that not I but the men are nasty. Emotions that´s what I have to learn. My life today is al lot of better. I am allowed to do what I like not the men like.

In earlier times I had to dance for men who paid for me. Today I know that it´s forbidden that a child has to dance and to strip for men. They told me that it’s a privilege doing that. Men paid therefore more money as if an adult women dance. I think it is called table dance. My work wasn’t bad. Men didn’t hurt me. When a man thought I am good he paid for me more money. Therefore I belonged to him for one hour. We went into a room: There was a bed, a bath tub different lights and leather clothing. What the man wished I tried to do it the best way. Most of the men only wanted to touch me but it was also ok when their penetrated me. I didn’t feel any pain. When the time was over we left the room and I started again table dancing as long as a man wanted to go with me in a room. They always told me it is a privilege to get choose. Today I know that that’s not true.

When it was time to get up for school they brought me home and laid me in my bed. I went inside and short time after this the alarm ring and an other personality from us got up and went into school. This person thought she slept all the night.

I am  thinking that they were to cult children al lot of more cruelty   happened. Men think Satanism this religion is the one right one. Thereby the justify what the are doing. They had to be by culture celebrations. What there happened to them is very curly and incredibly. The bad things happened in forests, cemetery. Every where where nobody could hear the creams of the tortured children. I don’t exact know what happened there but I think it’s better so. They were hold like animals, were penetrated by men, dogs, other children. There it was dark, cold, bad air…The men laughed, satisfight   themselves or children. What  ever  the want the did!!! No child would ever talk about what happened to them, the fear of punishment was unbelievably big.

This doesn’t happen in other countries NO it also happens in Germany where you never would suspect. They are connected all over the world.

With the other system I am learning living like a child. Often that’s very curios for me. But it is the right way. Together we are stronger than the cult!!!

Regrettably we can’t help children which a captured in such a cult. But we try to sensibly therapists, doctors, nursery schools and schools and other persons. We hope to succeed that always more people know that something like this exist also in Germany!!! 


Edit: Natürlich ist dass, was dieses Mädchen erlebt hat sehr schlimm und in den Bereich der Kinderprostitution einzuordnen. Das von ihr geschriebene ist ihre Sichtweise auf das Erlebte.


it´s me again. I don´t feel very well. I don`t know if feel is the right word. Can I at all feel? Two weeks before something bad happended to me:  Past caught me. Don´t worry I wasn´t really in danger, but… It´s for our system tou dangerous to tell in detail what exactly happend. Probably nobody interests what I´m writing now, that´s no problem for me. I´m writing this to reduce my pressure. I want (present time) to dance for men again. Would I live longely in my body, nobody could stop me. From my head I know that dancing like when I was a child it´s not good for me. Because I can´t to this I´m nervous, have pressure, are lacking in concentration and feel me bad and dirty. Talking with diffrent personalities from Sonnenblumenhelps me. When I was in theraphie talking about me emotions was good. I know that I can trust her. Perhaps other traumaticised people know what I mean with pressure. Becauce I´m so unconcentrated my Englisch writing is bad. I know this but I can´t revice it. Some words I don´t know at the moment, personalities from Sonnenblumen helped me. Thank you for reading.

Edit: Die hier geschilderte Reaktion auf das Ereignis ist die der Person, die hier geschrieben hat. Andere aus beiden Systemen sehen dies anders. Kinder Prostitution egal in welcher Art und Weise ist immer ein Übergriff auf Kinder und Jugendliche. Auch wenn dies für dieses Mädchen, das hier geschrieben hat Alltag war.  



It´s me again. One week before my bike was stolen. I was so proud of this bike.  And now it is away. I know it’s crazy, but this bike was very important for me. Now I have another second -hand bike. But this is a bike, without any positive recollection…


Hi, I`m a 10 years old girl by Schmetterlinge.  I want to present you a book I enjoyed reading much. It´s called: „The true Story“ by Gaby Breitenbach. In the back of this book stands: „This is a story about little people for little people. It`s about splitting apart your self and the suffering that accompanies that split. The story should help to make the consequences of early extreme violance comprehensible also for the little, inner, split parts of a self. „TheTrue Story“ is a fairy tale. Unfortunatley the underlying extreme violance that shatters human beings,dehumanicing them deliberately with unimaginable brutality, is all too real.